Why do I even bother to blog?
If anyone out there is actually reading this – please note that it’s not worth your time.
I try to always be positive, to censor my thoughts, to leave footprints that are wide enough for another to follow. But truth be told…I’m a class 1 idiot. I say I’ll be careful about what I eat. I’ll make resolutions and I’ll write full of gusto that I’ve made a change in me. But when it comes down to crunch time, I find myself reaching for a kacang tumbuk candy or my fist dipping into that bag of peanuts. I am such a failure. I say one thing and I do another. I just can’t keep it together. Melaka was the perfect example of my dual faced personality.
Okay, so I didn’t lose the weight in yesterday. But my success was thanks in large part to the forced disposal of all bodily waste from my gut. So in a way, the win was far from sweet and the victory a dismal one. It wasn’t a real lost.
I wonder if this means that I am destined to be at size for the rest of my life? Will I ever get rid of this desire to eat and maintain sanity in the presence of food? If this entire exercise is to be a life changing one, why is it that my life hasn’t really changed?
Maybe my expectations are just way to high. Maybe all this yo-yo-ing about it normal.
Who knows?
